Hey stranger ...
So...
Well, this is more awkward than I remember....
It's been a while, and it's been one helluva ride since the last post ...
Fall 2014 will officially go down in history as a clusterhug of a semester, the hardest one I've experienced as a student and professional, and ya know what, good riddance to it, although I feel it is hanging on. I'm hoping this post will be my ritualistic way to rid myself of it's nastiness. So, here we go...
In fall 2014 ...
... I presented 'Finger Painting [for grown-ups] with Binary Theatre Company with the perfect cast that were my highlight of every day
...I then presented it at the Ice House in Downtown Phoenix and made connections with the School of Art and School of Music (I love non dance connections)
... I got overwhelmed regularly, it actually became my new normal
.... I taught a class with some amazing and challenging students who I am very proud of despite all the ish that came up
... My office became known as 'the place to go cry' both for myself and others
...I presented at a national conference for dance, twice with positive feedback on both
... My biggest fear with the graduate program came true (not feeling like I was in the right field after thinking this was all I wanted) - and another fear I didn't even anticipate (the great debate of not finishing the degree I had so wanted all these year and going back to pursuing a career in dance without an MFA)
... I presented a dance piece in the grad show about Myers-Briggs which I have been thinking about since I was a junior in high school...it was ok, I worked with 16 dancers, and that was awesome.
... I completely changed my career goals (time to open my company, I need a break from higher ed before I become one of those jaded people in the field)
... Some of my job responsibilities were taken away and much larger ones were handed to me
... I have reassessed how I live life and what I value because I had seen too many people close to me deal with life changing mental and physical diseases to waste my time living my life anyway other than how I wish
... I checked out of my classes as in actively disengaged from them, yet pulled off a 3.89 (which worries me a bit)
... I grew from the whole experience and have developed further into the integrity phase (dorky higher ed moment) i.e. becoming a real grown-up
... I decided to do everything I can to not repeat this overall experience
So since the fall semester ended, I've tried to unwind how tightly wrapped up I got. I have go to the dance studio every week day since returning to AZ from ME, I've gone back to counseling, I'm practicing regular (almost daily) self-care, I'm keeping a gratitude journal, I'm taking bubble baths, getting massages, going on dates (I have a thing called a 'social life' now, or as I prefer to call it 'my social experiment' because talking to people outside of my work/school/dance life is difficult for me), I get up with the sunrise, and I make time for me, oh, and sleep, that's the really important one. I have high hopes for this spring, and I will take it all one day at a time. Practicing mindfulness. Doing what matters to me. Dancing, like really dancing and moving in my classes! I have connections with music and film students for projects that are for me, for fun, and just cuz. I'm grounding myself, and I'm sticking to it no matter how many people it pisses off.
Talk to you again in about four and a half months.
- M
