Summer 2015: Thnks fr th Mmrs

Hi there!

So, in my predictable fashion, the next semester begins in less than 12 hours, and I have my regular desire to flush out the past few months.

Summer 2015 is one for the record books...it's been transformational... for better or for worse, I have yet to determine (I think it's for better). And also in all aspects of mind, body, spirit. Here's a slightly inarticulate recap of what made it so transformational ...

• I went to Maine for a week - it was a perfect week! Lots of time for me! Lots of time sitting on the dock reading and listening to the wind and the water *happy sigh* 
• It also included my ten year high school reunion...yup. It was an odd sensation of shrinking back to who I was in high school - undoing a decade of personal development - all in a simple step through a doorway. For the 20th, I shall plan to pre-game...heavily.
• Post this Maine venture, I resolved to retire to Maine. My retirement project will be changing the the dance field and culture in Maine. Hopefully they've caught up to the rest of the world slightly in the next 40 ish year, but if not, don't worry, I'm coming.
• I traveled to North Carolina directly from Maine. The south is an interesting place. Eating healthy was difficult. I'm not much for southern cuisine.
• I attended a somatics workshop with a second generation somatic practitioner. She's lovely and inspirational. I had an epiphany in one of my final hours there. I was at a coffee shop reading 'A New Earth' and an idea floated through my head that went something like this, "I should get my Ph. D. in Somatic Psychology ... fuck." The background music for this thought was that song "here I go again on my own / going down the only road I've ever known / like a drifter I was born to walk alone" came on and I started crying....in a coffee shop....to a Whitesnake song ... I left abruptly and called Mum, because I don't think there's any graceful way out of that situation. Anyways, I've pocketed that PhD thought because I should probably focus on the degree I'm currently finishing. OH! But one more thing about that...I can earn that degree in Santa Barbara, London, or somewhere in South Africa. I'm thinking London is the winner.
• Following this epiphany, I took an Uber from one airport to another airport in order to catch the flight to Phoenix that I would have missed if I followed my original itinerary. Oye. 
• My next trip was to Oakland, CA where I was certain I would have massive 'ah-ha' moments about my thesis because it was an interdisciplinary arts and social change workshop. I thought I found my tribe of like-minded people. I was oh-so-wrong. It, well .... the workshop in Oakland will take me a while to unpack. I fully believe in stepping out of one's comfort zone, however, this was far beyond outside my comfort zone into the panic zone for nearly two-weeks. It was memorable. Possibly for the wrong reasons. I felt like I was consciously being brainwashed. But I survived with some really ridiculous stories to share. I think as I get into my fall semester of rehearsals, I will have a better understanding of the experience. 
• My major life epiphany from those two weeks in Oakland is that I need to quit my job no matter what once I graduate. There's a hella lot more to life than data entry. So, I'm going to be like Rachel in Friends, and quit next summer, and get 'the fear' ...the fear of not paying bills, making rent, eating, etc. etc.
• Seattle followed Oakland which was just beyond perfect. I'm so in love with Seattle! I was going to attend a dance festival there (maybe next year instead), I didn't due to the recovery from Oakland that was needed. Instead, I attended a my friend's friend's birthday party where we got locked in a room and had to solve puzzles to get out. It was awesome and unsettling all at once. 
• My Seattle epiphany was that I don't want to spend my money on a car, I want to spend it on travel. So, I booked an adventure in Peru to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu over winter break. 
• The first week back to the valley after Oakland was a shock - nothing like 400+ emails in your inbox and 115 degree temperatures for a healthy reality check.  I then jumped into a week long intensive devising theatre workshop. It was a wonderful week, very full, and draining, but the perfect note to end on. I finally feel ready to step into my applied project rehearsals. Also, I was finally recognized as a performer and artist, which does not always or ever happen around here. It's nice to be perceived by others as you perceive yourself.

Other random things...I submitted the paperwork to official start my dance theatre company;  all that work I put into my social  experiment (i.e. online dating) finally payed off ... for about two months, and then ended ... via text ... so, back to the experiment with no worries 'cause there are plenty waiting in the wings; I saved money for a car (weird, right?) then spent it on traveling; I actually started a rooftop dance series and I still feel like I'm in recovery mode or reverse culture shock from this summer. I'm a bit worried about how I will survive this year, but I know there are amazing things coming.

Thanks for a life changing summer, 2015!

And thank YOU for reading!

- M

How I Became a Functioning Hot Mess: A Reflection on Spring 2015

Hi!

Time for my regular cathartic post about the last 5-ish months known as the Spring 2015Semester (and I'll go into post-Spring 2015 semester because it did end a while ago and some good things have happened since then).

So. Gosh, I don't know where to start...in a nutshell, I have never wanted to quit something (work and school) so much in my life ever, yet, as I add up all the good things that happened, I have a hard time justifying those feelings. Sigh...

Here's a recap (in no particular order):

• I danced with a robot.
• I danced on a roof.
• I dance on the universe (well, a painting of one) and my movement controlled a poem recorded in it at the same time as a musician on the electric bassoon shaped the sound scape I moved to. I still have a hard time explaining this to people (clearly).
• I danced in a piece I created about a box because my dancers told me to ... I also made a lovely connection with the musicians who composed the music and had a filmmaker create a projection to push the depth of the dance.
• I took a dance class that transformed my movement. I am now obsessed with floorwork to the point where I don't know how to dance standing up. This will likely pose a problem in the future.
• I taught the creative practices class for the last time for the foreseeable future :-( They were a good group. They scared me at first (don't tell them that), but I realized it was like teaching a room full of mini me's.
• Work was hell. I had regular visions of handing in my two-week notice while accepting my diploma next year ... I also debated quitting my job and taking out student loans...but a regular pay check wins over more student debt...so, see next bullet point....
• I'm trying to do this positive perscpective shift thing...some days it works, some days not so much. But I think it will be the only way I survive the next academic year.
• I keep a gratitude journal. I write down three things I'm grateful for each day. If I forget to do this more than twice in a week I become very, very cranky.
• I also took a class on contact improv - it was amazing! Just warm fuzzy feelings all around with that one!
• My applied project was approved and my research surrounding it was approved! (*see further update in post spring semester section below).
• I went a wee bit rouge as a student (maybe as a person...?)... I think I may have upset some people with this, but, I feel like a new human. Whatever barrier was holding me back is gone.
• I've been working on this social experiment that most people call online dating. It's fascinating. I've learned much more about me and society than I thought I would. It's also a LOT of work for a dinner or drink...so, I've called off all future social experiments and sworn to dating the old school way (bumping into strangers in places I frequent) or not dating at all.
• I taught two-days of workshops at the University of Utah. It was quite fun to work with a new population. It was mostly musical theatre students (60+ of them!). Makes me want to travel and offer workshops all the time. Being a guest artist is the bomb.
• I received crazy good positive feedback from my students this semester. I think they've helped me figure out my teaching philosophy. And, per usual, they made my semester.

.... I think that is it for Spring 2015, but I feel like I'm missing something ....

Anyways, since the spring semester ended ....

• I started my applied project for my thesis!!!! This is what I've been waiting for! THIS is WHY I went back to grad school. I have an incredible group of performers - and they're really good people, not just talented performers. There are 12 of them, I planned for 6 originally...oops. We created 40 minutes of material in about 6 hours of rehearsal, showed it to my committee, and they were floored that THAT was what happened in one rehearsal. *mic drop*
• I performed with Orange Theatre Group in their first production in their new performance space. I danced mostly, and screamed a lot. I felt like my character was a mix of me as a teenager and my cat.
• I collaborated with a former advisee on a dance film. I'm excited to see it (it's currently in post-production).
•  I decided to start my company...Black Box Dance Theatre...that's about all I have so far, but it's a good start :-)
• I also sorta started a rooftop dance series (I'm saying 'sorta' because I'm in slight denial about it, but it's totally happening starting this September on top of the Marriott hotel in Tempe! Ah!)
• I go for sunrise runs and sunset walks and I have never felt more grounded. There's something about it that makes me feel like I might be back to normal again ... or as close to normal as I can get.
• I have weekends free to do whatever I want - it's incredible! I have totally forgotten what it's like to have no where to go and nothing to do. (I anticipate missing this feeling terrible come fall...)

The combination of the above 22 bullet points have resulted in self-identifying as a functioning hot mess...there's enough good stuff in there to energize me through the stuff that brings me down (thank goodness!)
 
All that being said, summer is about to pick up. My travels will take me to Maine (of course), North Carolina, California, and Washington (state). Three of those travels include dance trainings, workshops, and festivals. I also will be teaching an online dance class during all of it. And when the traveling ends, an intensive training in theatre begins here. And immediately following that, I start the final year of my MFA (hallelujah!). This year will include a lot of big things. But I think I've finally recovered from the previous school year, so here's hoping the final one is the best one! (And it's like the final, final one. For real this time. I'm kind of over this whole being a student thing).

Thanks for reading!

- M

A reflection on Fall 2014 (i.e. a necessary cleanse of last semester before the next one starts in less than 12 hours ...)

Hey stranger ...

So...

Well, this is more awkward than I remember....

It's been a while, and it's been one helluva ride since the last post ...

Fall 2014 will officially go down in history as a clusterhug of a semester, the hardest one I've experienced as a student and professional, and ya know what, good riddance to it, although I feel it is hanging on. I'm hoping this post will be my ritualistic way to rid myself of it's nastiness. So, here we go...

In fall 2014 ...
... I presented 'Finger Painting [for grown-ups] with Binary Theatre Company with the perfect cast that were my highlight of every day
...I then presented it at the Ice House in Downtown Phoenix and made connections with the School of Art and School of Music (I love non dance connections)
... I got overwhelmed regularly, it actually became my new normal
.... I taught a class with some amazing and challenging students who I am very proud of despite all the ish that came up
... My office became known as 'the place to go cry' both for myself and others
...I presented at a national conference for dance, twice with positive feedback on both
... My biggest fear with the graduate program came true (not feeling like I was in the right field after thinking this was all I wanted) - and another fear I didn't even anticipate (the great debate of not finishing the degree I had so wanted all these year and going back to pursuing a career in dance without an MFA)
... I presented a dance piece in the grad show about Myers-Briggs which I have been thinking about since I was a junior in high school...it was ok, I worked with 16 dancers, and that was awesome.
... I completely changed my career goals (time to open my company, I need a break from higher ed before I become one of those jaded people in the field)
... Some of my job responsibilities were taken away and much larger ones were handed to me
... I have reassessed how I live life and what I value because I had seen too many people close to me deal with life changing mental and physical diseases to waste my time living my life anyway other than how I wish
... I checked out of my classes as in actively disengaged from them, yet pulled off a 3.89 (which worries me a bit)
... I grew from the whole experience and have developed further into the integrity phase (dorky higher ed moment)  i.e. becoming a real grown-up
... I decided to do everything I can to not repeat this overall experience

 So since the fall semester ended, I've tried to unwind how tightly wrapped up I got. I have go to the dance studio every week day since returning to AZ from ME, I've gone back to counseling, I'm practicing regular (almost daily) self-care, I'm keeping a gratitude journal, I'm taking bubble baths, getting massages, going on dates (I have a thing called a 'social life' now, or as I prefer to call it 'my social experiment' because talking to people outside of my work/school/dance life is difficult for me), I get up with the sunrise, and I make time for me, oh, and sleep, that's the really important one. I have high hopes for this spring, and I will take it all one day at a time. Practicing mindfulness. Doing what matters to me. Dancing, like really dancing and moving in my classes! I have connections with music and film students for projects that are for me, for fun, and just cuz. I'm grounding myself, and I'm sticking to it no matter how many people it pisses off.

Talk to you again in about four and a half months.

- M

Tri-Annual Post ... because busy culture

So it looks like this is going to be a once per semester or three times a year kind of thing while in grad school ....

...anyways...

Hi! It's been a while. I never posted about the spring semester and then I traveled A LOT this summer and I haven't talked about that and now I'm about to go into day three of the fall semester - holy shenanigans ...

OK, here we go, stream of consciousness writing, sorry if I lose you ... spring semester was something like this: started teaching a choreography class for non-dance majors - which was one item off the grad school bucket - - have I shared that with this world?, took some classes, two of those classes made me completely shift my perspective on movement and I now feel like Pinocchio with my strings cut off, the other two were ok .... I did a lot of art, I saw a lot of art, I was in a thesis piece that was on silks tied up in the lobby of the dance building, I choreographed a dance film (!) better yet it was in the style of hiphop, I performed a spoken word piece that also had some movement - it was uber vulnerable and a good something new for me, I performed with my cohort in the annual showcase, I presented a portfolio review where I outlined my next two years of school, I applied for lots of opportunities, some worked out, some did not, I received some travel funding ...

... cut to summer ...

I traveled! Panama, Maine, Vegas, NYC and two AZ road trips (I was really hoping to squeeze in San Fran too, but I really shouldn't complain ... ) Panama: taught dance classes at a few orphanages, and my favorite part, taught a Broadway jazz dance class en español and visited some tourist-y places like the canal. Maine: I read, relaxed, and ate good food while surrounded by good friends and family, who could ask for more? Vegas with Chica for our 15 year frieneversary, Vegas was ok ... I liked the park we hiked in the best. NYC: *Sigh* ... so inspired and so amazing ... saw friends, saw NPH in Hedwig (by winning the lottery tickets!), went to a transformational choreography intensive that resulted in another existential crisis, identity crisis, and imposter syndrome onset, all within 6 days, I wanted to quit school, quit my job and start my company, instead I'm just going to start my company (because one full plate isn't enough and I probably shouldn't quit school and my job because, well, for now, because.) My cohort and I are talking of going in on business plans together to make Phoenix more like NYC. I traveled to new places in AZ and saw some beautiful scenes. I also taught two classes, the online one was silly, but teaching yoga was waaay more enjoyable than I anticipated. Oh, and I also moved in the midst of this traveling, and worked full time...

...and then the fall semester started ...

I'm exhausted (because of that whole busy culture thing), yet, I'm energized. 

Good stuff coming this fall between shows and conferences. More details to come. But anyways, that's what I've been up to. In case I lost you in all those words, I've posted pretty pictures below :-)

Thanks for reading that verbal vomit. Let's do it again in about 4 months!

- M

 
 
 

Artistic Manifesto ... it all starts with a box

Hi again!

So, I said it would be 4-5 months before you hear from me again, but I thought I would pop in a little earlier than that!

Wearing the hats of administrator, teacher, student, and artist has owned me this semester - and I'm kind of loving it, lack of sleep and all. I will post pics/videos of the performances eventually (promise, it just won't be timely) but I thought I would share a piece of writing with you all.

I've been using a LOT of text this semester and doing a lot of personal writing that has in turn become creative writing. Below is my artistic manifesto that I started working on at the beginning of the semester and have continued to add to over the past few weeks/months. It is full of my values and beliefs, many of which others have said to me or I have preached to others. Enjoy!

My Artistic Manifesto

It all starts with a box

Before you think out of the box you have to start with a box 

It is held together with plain old scotch tape 

The box has boxes and bubbles and words and incomplete thoughts and has a bottom that sometimes falls out

The content makes the work or the work makes the contents

The contents mean nothing and everything

The box is intuition materialized … it creates grooves

Thinking is overrated and asking how is a very paralyzing thought … it creates ruts

Have a strong beginning and a strong finish and the middle will take care of itself 

Success and failure are relative

The only constant in life is change

Whatever sensation you are feeling, acknowledge it, and know that it will pass (and let it go)

Have 20-minute pity parties on a semi-regular basis to reduce external sympathy seeking episodes

Embrace panicking for extremely short periods of time, then MOVE ON and be like Nike, JUST DO IT

Remember that anger is an energizing emotion, make the best of it

You don’t have to know where you’re going to be on the right path 

Be authentic OR fake it til you make it OR fake it til you become it

Be comfortable in uncertainty i.e. have a lil' faith and trust

Practice mental reservations

Practice gratitude 

Practice productive procrastination  

Practice daily self-care 

Practice blind faith

Do it for yourself and no one else (yes,all of it)

Always ask, the worst answer you will hear is "no"

Always try to take advantages of opportunities, or you never have the option

The ultimate challenge (or ultimate to-do list, I can't decide) is: Process the past while living in the present and preparing for the future.

Art is what you can get away with 

Make the audience uncomfortable

Break the fourth wall

Gather information

Take it all in

It's an adventure

Everything in moderation

Eat chocolate daily

Be Patient, maybe too patient

Relax your shoulders

Stop clenching your jaw

Write

Create

Move

Find Flow

Play (a lot)

Breathe (consciously and often)

Speak (when necessary)

Find balance

Keep balance

Regain balance

Thanks for reading! (see you this summer when I write about my semester and my many travels!)

- M

I'm Alive!

Hello Blogging World!

Remember how I said yon probably won't hear from me for 5 months because I started grad school? Well, it's been 4, but all the same, I'm back, momentary, for an update, then it will probably be another 4-5 months until you hear from me again.


So, let's review...


- I started grad school and completed my first semester with above a 4.0 (because A+ equals a 4.3 or some silliness like that)

- I preformed in a mainstage show that opened the season in September with the band People Get Ready - It was awesome! Plus I got to bang on a wheelbarrow with a drumstick (they only let me have one drumstick) which Daddy would have thought was so cool!

- I choreographed a piece in the grad show ... it was alright. I may expand upon it for a full length show in an art gallery at some point. For now, that piece need to rest.

- One of my favorite classes we had was where improv musicians came in and we all improv danced to them - there was an incredible energy that could be felt in the room. We also danced to Burning Ring of Fire  which was randomly wonderful.

- I was asked to photograph an immersive dance theatre performance, which was incredibly flattering when I look at the talented photographers I was asked with. The most amazing part, is they will be part of a documentary and presented at a national conference this summer (ahhhhh!)

- I got a cat.

- I've learned a lot about myself which I was expecting having done this grad school thing before, but it wasn't the stuff I thought I would learn. I won't bore you with the details.

- I went to Seattle and it was the most amazing and timely mini-vacation I've ever taken. It will likely be repeated.

- I discovered journal articles my grandfather wrote as far back as the 50s which were just unreal to read. Some of his statements are just timeless. I thought he only wrote about death and grief so it was a pleasant surprise to see his writings on the philosophy of education and on educators I am also studying. Gramma asked me to cite one of his articles in my papers ... one day I will try, but this semester it was more about fast and efficient survival.

- I met AMAZING people! I feel so lucky to work, dance, and simply be around all whom I have met and got to know better in the last few months.

- I got a job teaching yoga and zumba at a fitness center. And I'm going to quit said job at fitness center because I think I will be much happier in a small, local studio setting than a gym.


I think that sums up the past few months...I feel like I'm missing things...I left out the not so positive stuff (I reframed all that junk in the "I've learned a lot about myself" sentence). I've also had a great number of other opportunities crop up this semester but won't happen until spring or summer. I'll share those as they occur ... or perhaps more in this list fashion again.

Princeton and I curled up on the couch.

Oh, I'm in Maine right now and will be for another 48 hours or so, so I will post about my memorable stay here (i.e. no power, frigid temperatures).

Until then, Happy New Year everybody!!

Thanks for reading!

- Molly

Two Years In AZ

Hello Reader,

Two years ago today I took a one-way flight from Maine to Arizona.

Life sure looks different these days compared to when I moved out here.

New job, new apartment, started school, got a cat, and I've changed a lot while carving out this new life.

I never would have guessed that this is where I would be - and I mean "where" in all ways, shapes, and forms. But, no regrets. I am happy and content with all that has happened in the past two years. I have met so many incredible people and had amazing opportunities since moving out here.

Yet, I feel like that's just the tip of the iceberg for what this place has to offer me. I don't think I would have consciously chosen to move to AZ, but this happenstance approach has really been working for me.

Thanks for reading!

- M